Pamela Druckerman’s forthcoming Bringing Up Bébé is both the successor and antidote to Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother: In a nutshell, this year’s provocative parenting orthodoxy argues that less-neurotic child-rearing produces better-behaved kids. (New York Magazine)
I just watched an episode on Good Morning America about the difference between French and American parenting. I now believe my husband is from France! He pretty much follows the "French Way" and I have to admit he may be right! The interview was very interesting and revealed very valid differences. The French not only are creating the latest fashion trends and food crushes, they also have the distinct perspective that "children are children" and should not be the center of our universe. In the book Pamela talks about the major differences between French and American child-rearing:
1. French parents do not negotiate
Saying no, and often, teaches the children that they are not running the roost. This includes FOOD! The French moms do not make "adult" food and "kid" food, they make one meal and everyone eats it no questions asked. There is no "Kids Menu" at the restaurants, they want their children to be well rounded and encouraged to create a better food pallet.
2. France = 1 Snack Time
This one is very eye opening, as sometimes I feel like a rotating kitchen in our house. Snacking many times a day. Pamela talks about allowing the children one snack per day at 4:00 pm. Kind of like the English have "High Tea" they are allowed one snack at the same time every day and that is it! Can you imagine?
3. French Parents Are Sleeping
"La Pause" this is a five minute window that the French mothers will allow their babies, as early as 6 weeks to cry before being attended to. This will teach self soothing and in the long run will diminish the expectation for instant gratification.
*This is very interesting. Having 2 three month old babies, I can definitely see how this method could be effective. I am not a fan of letting them "cry it out" for long periods of time. Especially in the first 4 months. Letting it go more than five minutes at an early age, can also promote more crying and frustration of their needs not being met and a lack of confidence that you are taking care of them. I think five minutes is a good rule of thumb for the first few months, as long as you know they are fed, burped and changed.
**Another side note... try to keep your bedtime routine the same every night, you are building expectations for the baby so when they do cry, go in and talk to them sweetly, pat their tummy, rub their head, tell them "it's ok," and bring comfort without picking them up. This way they know you hear them crying but it is also bed time and you are not going to pick them up every time they fuss. Of course there will be nights you will need to feed them or they are not feeling well or are gassy, or you just want to snuggle.
4. Most Importantly: French parents don't make their children the center of their universe
The French believe that being a good parent does not mean being at the whim of your children's every need. They laugh about the "Soccer Mom" phrase we Americans use as almost endearing. Their philosophy is much more relaxed and allow more time for themselves and less time talking about their children's successes and abilities.
Pamela believes that loving her children and being a good mom is just as important as loving her husband and creating time for their relationship as well as her dreams.
*Side note, in France the government supports this idea and makes childcare very accessible and affordable, even free.
I certainly do not want my kids to be "Entitled" and I do believe we are already fighting against that natural tendency for all of us to think we "deserve" life, things, money etc. so how do we avoid this? I can take some education from the French and make some adjustments for sure. I can also lead by example, because we all know the kids are watching our every move and are going to do as we do. Am I Entitled? Do I assume that life should just go my way and I deserve to have it all? The truth is we don't really deserve anything. We were given life as a gift and with that comes hard work, responsibility, and intentional giving. I would love for my kids to see the reward of loving and serving others as the true benefit of a "good life."
1 comments:
looooooved this.
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